Nerves of Jello...

I don't know why, but I'm suddenly totally and completely nervous about the Chicago Marathon. There's probably some excitement in there too. I tossed and turned last night. I don't remember being nervous this soon before a marathon. Maybe a couple of days before, but 1.5 weeks? Maybe its because the weather is supposed to be awesome (by awesome, I mean COLD) and I feel well-trained, and I have such high hopes for a really good run. Good grief, I need a Xanax or something...

A letter to my mom...

Dear Mom,

I am heartbroken over what you have been through and are going through. You say you are fine, that you can handle the cards you've been dealt, but how can anyone have that much strength and courage?? How can one person handle what has been thrown your way over the last 13 years, over the past year, over the past two weeks? Its not fair! I am so angry!

You have such a strong faith, but I have none. What God would do this to someone like you? Put you through all of this suffering? Okay, I know it is a blessing that you are even alive, that you have lived to see your son get married, get to know your daughter-in-law, cherish your grandchildren, and love and support your husband who continues to succeed as a wonderful husband, father and leader in his job. And I guess you've gotten to see me run some marathons. That's my biggest accomplishment in 13 years, as marriage is obviously not in my future (read "cougar-dom" is near, meaning I'm freaking old). But I digress...

I cannot express how much I admire you. You have a positive attitude that I will never understand; maybe sometime, with the help of strong medication, I might start to see the light. You find the good in everything, the blessing in the hardship. How do you do it? Wait, I know, you will credit the Lord...but I don't have that same belief and faith.

I know you are going to struggle and have some hard times, but if anyone can persevere and get through this a stronger person, you can.

Did I mention how angry I am?! I think part of me worries that the same thing might happen to me down the road, and I won't have anyone there like you do. Support systems really are the best, huh? I should be so lucky...

I'm stunned you are still alive. That was not even a thought in my head until the surgeon visited with us last week. Damage from radiation is slowly and seriously affecting you now, 13 year later, so forcefully, so dramatically. Why? Well, I never knew that when they attacked your cancer with radiation 13 years ago, they were only really expecting to give you a few extra years, never expecting to deal with the radiation affects and aftermath. Wow, you are here and cancer-free after 13 years! I have taken that for granted. I don't know whether to be so happy that you are still with us, or sad that you are going through and facing what you are now, or a combination of both.

Your grace and strength should be awed and envied and cherished by all who know you. You hold our family together emotionally. It pains me to see you hurt. And while I know you need to go through grieving and "get-used-to-it" process, I am going to grieve for you longer. Not pity you, no, you don't want pity. You are a DIVA! Nothing will change that and you don't deserve anyone's pity, because you don't need it or want it. But I will cry for you, and I will be weak for you, and I will always, always be there for you. I love you Mom...

********************

Alrighty then...

Running update: Saturday's run was 13 miles at an overall average pace of 8:59. I ran a warm-up three miles with fellow Chicago marathoner and hopeful Boston-qualifier Jennifer, then we ran 10 with our training group. The first mile of that run (mile 4 for me) was about a 9:30ish pace; everything after was below 9. Yay! Great taper run.

Chicago weather watch: (Un)Accuweather.com says low in the low 40s, high in the 50s. That would be perfect!! It will of course change 10 times in the next two weeks...

If at first you don't see the chafing...

...a hot shower will certainly let you know where it is...

21 miler: Those of us training for the Chicago Marathon (or one close to that date) ran our 21 miler on Saturday. I must say, I bounced back rather nicely from my 18 miler a couple of weeks ago, as I was hoping I would. I really needed a solid very long run. I wanted to run this as close to how I would run the marathon as far as strategy, mental focus, and hydration/carb intake. Pace-wise, I was not planning to run at my goal marathon pace. That's not what these training runs are for. However, I did want to finish in 3:15. That would put me at roughly a 9:15 per mile average. That would be just fine with me.

We started off at a reasonable pace and kept the first few miles over a 9 minute pace. I really zoned and didn't talk much to the runners around me, mainly because my family received some concerning news about my Mom (see below) on Friday afternoon, and my mind was occupied with that. By the time we hit the first water stop at around 5-6 miles, I didn't want to stop, to lose my momentum, so I walked for about 30 seconds (like I would at a water stop during the marathon) and then our group was on our way to Rice University.

We will still feeling good and strong during our trek around Rice and Hermann Park, and I knew I was having a good, smart run, and just wanted to keep it up. I think something that helped me was taking a caffiene pill half way through the run. That really seemed to give me an extra boost when I knew I would probably start getting tired. It was still pretty humid out even though the temps were cooler, and humidity gets me, and most runners, almost every time. And, I took my Gu and Electolyte tabs at regular intervals, just as I have always done.

When we reached the final water stop, my running buddy Jennifer and I stopped to use the facilities (and I stopped my watch), and upon her suggestion, we decided to try to run the final five miles at an 8:45 pace. I said, let's go for it and see what happens. What happened was our last five miles were well under an 8:45 pace, and our final mile clocked in at 8:08. Holy crap! To feel that strong at the end of such a long run was awesome, a real confidence booster for us both. We ended up finishing in 3:09+, which is a 9:01 average pace.

And strangely enough, I was not sore at all, and still am not for the most part, except a little soreness in my right quad. Believe me, I have seared into my mind what I did right during the run and hope to apply it in Chicago. Now on to tapering!!

A&M Football: What was shaping up to be a blow-out (by A&M standards) got a little too close for comfort in the end, but we managed to pull off the win and are 2-0. For a team that is playing mostly freshman, we look good and should be really good in a couple of years.

We left the game a little early to beat the traffic (plus it was a ridiculously long game and we were all tired), and listened to the final few minutes on the radio. I'm convinced the announcers were drunk. First, one asked the other "He has to get into the end zone for a touchdown, right?" Then, in the stressful final minutes, they went to their sideline reporter. We thought we were going to get an update on strategy or injuries or something, but no...we got a report that at the 15 yard line, there must have been about 1000 crickets on the field. Yes, there was a cricket plague in Bryan/College Station this weekend, and they were EVERYWHERE, but really, when the game is potentially on the line and the Aggies are potentially pissing away a victory, a cricket report is not the most informative sideline update.

Mom update: She has to have more surgery tomorrow (Tuesday) here in Houston. Not cancer but not the best of news either. Its going to be a risky and lifestyle-affecting surgery, and we are all very concerned, and shocked, since it was only on Friday we found out about this. Thoughts, prayers, meditations, chants, whatever is your fancy, are certainly appreciated!

Friday Deep Thought...

Why would a drug company make an acid reflux drug that could have the side effects of constipation and diarrhea and name it "Aciphex," which is pronounced "ass effects" ??

Picture of the day:

Delinquency of a blogger

I know, I know...You are sad that its been a couple of weeks since I posted but super-excited to see that I'm back, so I won't delay the suspense any longer...

September 5 - As I suspected, I bounced back from my disasterous 18-miler with the grace and confidence of a seasoned runner (yes, I'm rolling my own eyes at that statement, so feel free to roll yours too)...I had a solid 11 mile run at just under a 9:00 minute per mile pace, with a negative split. We runners are all really boostered by the slightly cooler temps, though the humidity seems to be sticking (pun intended) around for a while. Knowing that I've had bad runs in the past and how to handle them post-run, I was able to re-focus and put it behind me, and I approached this run just as I have every other run, and it turned out well.

After the run, I drove my sweaty self to Aggieland for the first A&M football game of the season. WOO HOO! We won! Already off to a better start than last year. Though I was a little dismayed to see we didn't even get one vote for the top 25...maybe I'm was expecting too much after one win, but I thought we looked really good. Its nice to watch an A&M game without either (1) sweating it out until the end to see if we are going to win, or (2) knowing that we are going to lose by the 2nd quarter. And a bonus...I stopped by the tailgate of some of my dear old high school friends. Great to see them, and I will see them again soon at my upcoming 20th reunion. You may be thinking "but 26.2 Princess, you already had your 20th reunion." Yes, but remember, I went to two high schools, and the one I graduated from is having its reunion on October 3. Can't wait!

That weekend, I also went with my dad to visit my grandmother, who seemed to light up when she saw me, though I'm still not convinced she really knows who I am. It was nice to see her out of bed and happy though. And it would have been my grandfather's 93rd birthday on the 6th, so we went to the cemetary to wish him a happy birthday. That was emotional and tough. Still hard to believe he is gone...

September 12- After three 5-6 mile morning runs during the week, one of which was a taxing speedwork session (and those are hard to do by yourself, but I did the best I could), we tackled 13 miles on Saturday. Another strong run by many of our runners in the training group. As a coach, I'm so glad to see that the runners have found their stride and routines that work for them. There is a fun but small group of us who have been in the lead pack, and we do a great job of encouraging each other. Sometimes if you are tired and think, I just can't do this, or I'm just going to walk for a while, a pat on the back and a "c'mon, you can do it, let's finish this thing" is all you need to keep you going when you know you can physically, but your mind is telling you otherwise. We finished at a 9:00 minute per mile pace exactly, with a slight negative split.

Speaking of speedwork, last week called for something like 16 minutes fast, 4 minutes recovery, 4 times. Are you kidding me?? That's a killer, and I knew I didn't have a ton of time in the morning to follow that exactly, so I varied it a bit...I ran a 1/2 mile warm-up then did a mile fast (for me, that's between 7:50-8:15) then recovered for a few minutes, then did that again three more times. Felt good. It helps to focus on something else during the fast parts rather than thinking "OMG, I have to run this really fast." Again, this is not something I think I could have done in the heat of the evening. Morning running sure is what works for me, though I get darn tired by the end of the day from waking up at 4:30 am. The things we do...But I'm not going to complain too much, because I don't have kids. I don't know how parents do it without falling asleep alot during the day.

And again, after this run, I hopped in my car to head back to Aggieland. No game this weekend, but my brother, SIL, nephews and niece came in for a visit. It was so wonderful to see all of them! The boys are getting so big (they turn 3 in October), and they slept in regular twin beds for the first time. They were so excited and did well (by "did well" I mean they didn't destroy the room they were in). And my niece, who will be 1 in October, is walking now and is definitely a princess-in-training. Once she gets enough hair, Auntie Kiki (me) will make sure she has a hair bow to match every outfit! And that girl can scream, but she also flashes a smile that will melt any heart.

The best part, the boys are now saying "Gig 'Em" much to my delight and the delight of their parents. Here are some grainy pics from dinner (thanks Nokia for making a phone with no camera flash)...

Hayden's double Gig 'Em


Koen's Gig 'Em


Sorennah playing with her napkin


She'll learn to Gig 'Em later...
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Up next...the dreaded 21 miler! Is it too soon to start carb loading??