Positively Positive Positiveness.

I have recently posted about a string of positive long runs that I have had. Some people like the positiveness, some people want to barf. Who am I and when did I become so positive? I mean, I believe myself to be a glass-is-half-empty kind of girl. But hey, life is good, right?

So, in the spirit of positiveness and maintaining a positive attitude, I will describe my 18 mile run on Saturday morning with positive statements only...

• I am positive that my 18-miler sucked.
• I am positive that it was my worst run of the year, maybe ever.
• I am positive that the humidity level exceeded 100%.
• I am positive that I drank my weight in fluids during the run, and I thus positively became more sluggish and felt like I gained about 10 pounds (and I still feel that way...sigh...).
• I am positive that drinking so much was stupid.
• I am positive that I walked so much I had to do almost an entire loop around Memorial Park at the end just to get in 18 running miles.
• I am positive that my running skirt stretches down close to my knees when its soaked with sweat.
• I am positive that I am not Amish, so a long running skirt is not a good thing...it just added to my general annoyance with the whole run.
  
• I am positive that I was mentally out of this run 1/3 of the way through, and you know what they say about the power of positive thinking. Heck, I even wrote about it in my previous post. Figures...
  
• I am positive that positive thinking was not what was taking place in my brain at any point.
  
• I am positive that what kept me going was the thought of an ice cold beer at the end.
• I am positive that I did indeed drink that ice cold beer at 9am.
• I am positive that I was also motivated by thoughts of a long nap.
• I am positive that I am competitive and push myself and am hard on myself when I don't have a good run.
• I am positive that I cannot explain what happened to me out there today...it is what it is.
• I am positive that I always have one super craptastic run each year, and I'm hoping this was it.
• I am positive that I will rebound from this disaster and will be stronger because of it.
• I am positive that what I consider a terrible run could be a great run for someone else...keeping it in perspective...

Now, my own positiveness has made me queasy. Or maybe its the fatigue or the random nosebleed I just had.

The moral of the story - no matter how fast or slow you run, no matter how long you have been running or how many marathons you've completed, everyone is going to have a day when they ask themselves "Really? Am I really out here running so I can feel like crap during and after? This is not worth it. I'm done! How can I run a marathon if I can't even make it through 18 miles without thinking three hours of waterboarding would be better than this?"

But... I DID NOT QUIT! That's the most positive thing, and the only truly positive thing, about my 18 mile run. If you have a bad run, whether its a 3 miler or the marathon, pick yourself up and dust yourself off, analyze what went well (if anything) and what didn't, tuck away in your mind what you learned, and then forget about the run and move on.

Lucky 13

Saturday morning's 13 miler was an absolutely fabulous run for me. What a confidence booster. The ever-so-slightly cooler weather really made a big difference. And the advice I received from my favorite strength and conditioning expert to take a caffeine pill or drink black coffee an hour before the run helped tremendously with my energy.

With our usual lead coach sunning in Ixtapa, I was the designated leader to take the group out. We started at a 9:30-ish pace for the first mile, then quickly reached the 9:00 minute range. It was me and four other girls in the lead pack, and I kept checking with them to see how they were feeling. Since everyone was feeling good and strong mile after mile, and we were easily staying together, we decided to crank it up in the second half of the run, and every mile was well under 9:00 minutes, with a couple very close to 8:30. A huge negative split. We pushed ourselves, yes, but it can only pay off for us since we all have high aspirations for our upcoming marathons. My running philosophy has always been if you feel good and healthy and strong, go for it on the long runs when you can, because you aren't going to have great long runs every weekend.

I continue to fuel and hydrate with a mix of Smart Water, bottled water, Clif Quench and Hornet Juice powder. Additionally, I take a Gu every 5-6 miles. And another piece advice I received from the expert I noted above, I took my first Gu about 5 minutes before we started running instead of the 15 minutes prior that the instructions on the Gu packet advise. Everything seemed to work together very well, and I ended up with my strongest run of the season. Whether or not I can keep a steady sub-9:00 pace throughout a marathon always depends on the conditions on race day. I've done it before, but since I have three sub-4 hour marathons under my belt, my only remaining goal in my marathoning career is to qualify for Boston. Boston or bust, baby! And to do so, I really have to up my speed and stay consistent. I'm going to take every opportunity I can to do that in my training.

I met up with fellow coach Mark for a solid 5 mile run on Monday morning, which we conquered at a speedy sub 9:00 pace. As noted, it is now a priority for me to continue to push myself in my runs, especially the shorter runs, and get as close to marathon goal pace as possible while maintaining my health (read injury free, knock on wood). This is probably not the recommended training approach for many, but I'm at the point where I have nothing to lose by going for it, and each time I do, I get stronger physically and mentally. After all, the majority of a run/race takes place between your two ears, and a positive approach and attitude is a must.

I plan to get some speedwork in tonight or in the morning, again probably varying from the training schedule a bit...going to try to get in one to two miles at close to an 8 minute pace. We'll see how that goes...

And my new carb-loading meal is a half order of spaghetti and meatballs from Raia's. I'm a little superstitious, and since I've eaten there the past two Thursdays before a long run, and had solid long runs, I will continue to eat there. Plus, it is just darn yummy.

The running coaches had a great social last week at Sonoma. Its nice to hear how other people are doing this season and what their goals are and what marathons they are running. When asked, I always say Chicago and Houston, but never mention the possibility of Boston because I don't want to jinx myself or set expectations too high. Plus, after I turn 39 next year, I get a 5 minute slower qualifying time, which I think is more achievable. I would only have to shave two minutes off my best time, rather than the seven minutes I would need this year. BUT, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try this year if the race-day conditions are ideal for a fast run. C'mon cold weather in Chicago!!

This coming Saturday is our 18 miler. I'm actually looking forward to it. If anything, I'll burn around 2000 calories, which will allow me more freedom to indulge at Mack and Pattie's party on Saturday night. Can't wait!

E-I-E-I-O

When I run, if I'm not listening to my iPod, then I usually have a song playing in my head over and over during the run. Most of the time I can "control" said song by making sure it is the last thing I hear before beginning my run. This past Saturday, for some reason, I had the freaking Old McDonald Had A Farm song stuck in my head for 13 miles! Unspeakable awesomeness, she said sarcastically *.

Saturday, August 8: I had a really strong 15 mile run. I could not have been happier - I felt really good the entire way - and I probably could have kept going for a couple more miles. I credit adhering to the training schedule during the week (even the speedwork), as hard as it is to run/workout at 5 am.

I'm still drinking diluted Clif Quench and using some Hornet Juice. A fellow coach, and a very fast runner, told me about Hornet Juice, so I thought I'd give it a try. So far, no complaints.

Training is the time for trying new things that may work for others, and if they work for you too, great. If not, don't do it. I have learned alot about running, nutrition, hydration, and race strategy just by listening to, or eavesdropping on, others. Stories about a personal experiences that I hear with my own ears have benefitted me far more than any running article I've ever read.

Saturday, August 15: A relatively easy 10 miles that was over before I knew it. Probably because we had to focus intently on the numerous turns on the route so as not to get lost. This coming weekend's 13 miler has no less than 30 turns. I got dizzy just reading the written route, and haven't really studied the map yet. As I shared with another coach this morning, I would not be surprised if every single runner gets lost somewhere along the way. Should be interesting...

* Sarcasm. Let's discuss this for a moment. For me, there are two types: (1) rude and insulting sarcasm, and (2) teasing and joking sarcasm. Sometimes there is a very thin line between the two. And if you don't know how to hold a normal conversation that is free of either type of sarcasm, then you have a communication problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the second type noted above, but I use it in moderation. When you can't control it, or when people no longer realize you are joking and/or think its funny, or they get frustrated because it seems non-stop, don't be surprised if that person becomes bored with conversing with you. Just an observation...

As for relatively sarcasm-free conversation, I'd like to say hi and thanks to a new friend, whom I met through dear friends, for enjoyable conversation, lots of laughs and tasty, refreshing beer. Go Texans!

I did it all for the gnocchi...

Running update: I had an excellent 12 mile run on Saturday morning. Must have been the mini-carb load on Thursday night with my wonderful friends Aimee and Jennifer. We went to Raia's...awesome Italian food. The gnocchi is to die for. That's why I run, so I can eat stuff like gnocchi...

What made my run so good on Saturday? I have no real answer to that. Same weather conditions that we've had over the past couple of months, though there may have been a slight breeze. However, this is the first time this season that I used Gu, and I also had a water bottle of Clif Quench and Smart Water, both of which a few of my running friends swear by. We'll see. Maybe I just had a good run period. I needed it since my last two long runs left me feeling not so good physically and mentally. I felt great after the run on Saturday, probably could have kept going another couple of miles. That's very encouraging for me.

I continue to do my speedwork on my own in the mornings. I just can't bring myself to run in the evenings when the heat index exceeds 100 degrees. I'm not the only one either. Its great to see Memorial Park as crowded as it is by 5:30 am. Lots is always going on early in the morning, like those boot camps. Based on what I've seen of their routines, I will not be doing a boot camp. I'm not sure I would be able to maintain the minimum level of princessness that is acceptable to me...

PMS rant: Yes, my dear readers, its been a while since I had one of these, so here it goes. I really hate it when my supposed best friends do not respond to communications and I hear about events in their lives through others. Unfortunately this has been a pattern for the past few years. Guess what? I'm done. Also dear old friend from my youth, don't be rude to me at our recent HS reunion then wonder why I didn't accept your Facebook friend request. Speaking of FB, wow some girls post whore-ish pictures...none of my friends, duh, because I don't hang out with skanks, but friends of acquaintances. Pathetic. And, FB is a fabulous way to see what your friends did not invite you to. That makes the invitation list to an upcoming get-together at my house much more manageable. Thanks! Okay, rant over. I meant about half of what I just said. Which half will be determined when I feel like it.


And, a big CONGRATULATIONS to my friends Karla and Jeremiah who are expecting their first child. Yay!!

Same ol' same ol'...

Dear mother nature, please give us a freaking break down here in Houston!!!

Running update: I swear, if its possible to have more than 100% humidity, it happened Saturday morning. What a tough 10 miler I had, and I wasn't the only one. My actual running time and pace were not bad and have been pretty consistent over the last several long runs, but I'm very aware of how I feel during and after these runs, and the last two weekends have not been great in that department. But, I am running smart in this weather, and trying to encourage others to do so as well, and I know that once it cools off, I can tackle any distance or course with more ease. I'm just waiting patiently for that break, which will probably come after I run Chicago in October...

I will now run no less than 10 miles on Saturday mornings from here on out. Hard to believe Chicago is a little over two months away. I know I'll be ready, but its hard to imagine that right now. I've never run such an early Fall marathon, so I'm concerned about getting in enough good long runs, but I believe in the Houston Fit program and that it will have me ready. Hasn't let me down yet!

I'd like to rewind this morning and just stay in bed: Got in a decent 4+ mile run this morning (still loving the morning runs during the week) but then my morning went downhill from there... I got into a minor fender-bender on the way to work. Fabulous. Stupid jacked-up pickup trucks... If it had been a normal pickup, I would have sustained zero damage. Grrr. First "accident" in over 15 years. Not too bad. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the Bachelorette finale tonight, with wine, pizza and friends! In fact, I'd like a glass of wine right now...

Yellow Fever social: Saturday evening some of the Yellow Fever from Houston Fit got together for the season's first social. I had a great time, and it was fun to visit with old friends and meet new people. And thanks to Pattie for just being a very special friend...

Okay, that's all for now. Time to get an estimate on my car. I knew I shouldn't have gone to the Galleria and stimulated the economy yesterday!!

It is what it is...

Running update: I have been pretty good about getting runs in in the mornings. Its very early, so I can still get to work before 8, but I've enjoyed the time to zone out, wake up and have some energy for the day. As much as I don't want to get out of bed when my alarm goes off, I'm always glad that I do. And I'm starting to feel the benefits of getting more runs in during the week - strength, stamina, endurance. I admit that in past seasons I way too often flaked when it came to running after work, hot or cold weather, because I was always so exhausted or wanted to do something else with that time.

Saturday a.m. - very challenging 10 mile route that involved many big hills (hills in Houston = overpasses). Call me crazy but I loved the route and had a really good run. I took it slower in the beginning and finished very strong. Just the way it should be. Not too concerned about pace right now, but I think I ran a 9:10-13ish average pace, which I consider excellent in this wonderful (by wonderful, I mean sucky) weather we've been having. If I can keep having smart and strong runs during this weather, I should be in great shape once its cooler.

Monday a.m. - 3 mile run

Tuesday a.m. - ran for 35 minutes, probably just under 4 miles. Saw Alaina out that morning too.

Today a.m. - 4.6 mile run in about 42 minutes. I felt great today. It was also nice to see Jamoosh out there and run with him for a while. He was sharing with me the benefits of the five-finger running "shoes." Very interesting. He loves them and says he can tell a real diffence in his gait, and they are great on soft running surface like dirt or asphalt...concrete, not so much. I had a bunch of questions about them, and they have received alot of good press lately. Might be interesting to try at some point, but I'm in no hurry. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? For Jamoosh, I think they have really helped him resolve some of his running-related injuries, but for me, I need the cushioning of a shoe because of my neck/spine issues. In case you are wondering, I've been running in Asics Gel Nimbus for years and love them. I just wish the wide women's shoe came in pink...

I've slacked off a little on my P90X workouts thanks to yet another episode with my neck last week that basically limited my workouts to running and nothing involving the upper body until my immobilizing muscle spasms stopped. I'm going to continue to try to get a couple of the workouts in a week but not really follow the plan religiously. I'm most interested in core, plyometrics, yoga and stretching. I'm not terribly excited about the weight workouts. I know they always say women won't bulk up, but I can't help feeling that way. I'm fairly muscular already as it is.

Ladies Night - Houston Fit and Luke's Locker hosted a Ladies Night event last night. It was a great opportunity for women, especially some new to running or marathoning, to get together and have discussions about clothing, shoes, hydration, etc. Plus, we all got 20% off of merchandise, so I of course had to buy another black running skirt, which is now as much of a running attire staple as my pink visor. I just love the running skirts, and the black ones have a visual slimming effect, which is always a bonus. Now that I have about 6 of these, I don't think I'll ever go back to running in shorts. The skirts are so comfortable and cute.

And, a shout out to my running friend Karen, who was at the event last night. In fact, I think she coordinated it. Anyway, we spent alot of time talking and I really enjoyed our conversation and getting to know her better. I found out she reads my blog, so I just want to say Hi!

Nonsense: I was going to post some things about Facebook friends and "unfriending" and why I'm whittling down my list of friends to something more manageable and private, but what's the point...people are offended no matter what the reason...I guess once you are friends on Facebook and then are no longer friends on Facebook, you are no longer friends period. Sigh. Not my intent, in most cases, but it all feels very high school-ish to me. It is what it is. But I'm very glad to be a part of that social networking site because its been so great to catch up with people and stay in better touch with my good friends and my running community. Its a great tool, but it does cause anxiety when personal decisions must be made about privacy concerns and who you really want reading your information and updates. The co-worker decisions were especially difficult. Sorry. Anyway...

Happy Running!

Running just as fast as I can...

First order of business: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Second order of business: All female runners/triathletes, and males with female runner/triathlete friends and significant others MUST check out my friend Pattie's jewelry. I purchased some pieces from her recently and they are fabulous! She does custom requests too and is so easy and pleasant to work with.

Apparently, I'm kinda a fast runner: I ran the Run Wild 5k on Saturday, thanks to my fellow coach Dave, who wanted someone to push him during the race. Well, that was a joke because he took off and there was no catching him! But I did my best to run as fast as I could in the heat and humidity, hoping to run in under 25 minutes. I ran 24:41, which is a 7:58 pace. I was very pleased, and very exhausted. This was an official 5k race PR for me, though I did run the first leg of a duathlon about 10 seconds faster. It was also about 40 degrees colder during that race, but I digress...

So, Dave and I were hanging out after we finished, watching other runners and refueling (Michelob Ultra at 8:30 am on a steamy morning after a race is delicious!). Once I felt like I might be able to stomach some food, we walked over to the restaurant that was serving breakfast tacos. I happened to notice that race results were posted on the window, so I checked out my official time. I found my age group and by habit looked at the middle of the list first, since this is where I usually am. I did not see my name and my first thought was that my time was not recorded. Then I happened to look at the top of the list...there I was, the third-place finisher for my age group. Holy crap! I never thought I'd place in a running event, ever! I yelled to Dave "I finished 3rd!!" and he said I get an award for that. No way!! Hardware!! You know I love hardware, and when it is for placing, that's even sweeter. I was so freakin' excited! And thanks to Dave for being just as excited for me and for treating me to a celebratory breakfast. And thanks to my running friends who offered their congrats on Facebook. I really appreciated that!

In other running news: I've really become focused on sticking to my training schedule during the week. I have been getting in a few miles in the mornings and am already feeling stronger. Plus, I've lost the 5 pounds I somehow gained and was very pissed about, so I'm happy. I'm also going to incorporate a modified version of P90X into my workout routine, primarily to get the core, stretching, plyometrics (jumping), yoga, kenpo (kick-boxing-ish workout) and light weight training elements. No way am I doing the full program as I have no intention or desire to become "ripped," but I'll keep you posted on how this progresses. I think I'm going to enjoy the challenge of getting in two workouts a day a few times a week. After all, I do have high school reunion #2 coming up in October...

High School Reunion #1 Recap

First, a running update: 8 miles with the Fall group on Saturday...not too bad of a run...9:07 average pace, I think, with a couple of sub-9s in the middle. Not that I'm concerned about pace at this early point in the training, but I do like to know, and so far, I've been very consistent over the past several runs.

On Saturday we ran a great route down Allen Parkway to downtown, back up Memorial, with a quick jaunt through River Oaks. I got a little lost at the end when my brain wasn't functioning and I missed a turn (no thanks to one of my fellow runners who insisted we weren't supposed to turn, then looked at his directions and said "oops, we should have turned.") But as a coach, I should have known the entire route, and I did...I just wasn't counting on the heat and humidity to make me a little loopy at the end of an easy 8 mile run. I corrected the mistake with a little route modification, and we ended up getting in the appropriate mileage. It was a terribly hot and humid morning, and though we pushed the start time up to 6 am, I still think we need to start earlier. Once that sun comes out, its brutal. However, I was very pleased to see that our runners stopped and walked when needed and hydrated often. AND, I actually did the core workout post-run... sore abs = something got worked!

Since I didn't get a post written last week, on June 13 we had a great 6 mile run, followed by a farewell dinner that night for fellow Yellow fever runner and coach Ruthie...She will be greatly missed in our running community, as a motivator, trainer and friend...

Now if I can just get motivated to run more than once during the week...We seriously need a break from this heat/humidity. And I need to get to bed earlier so I can get up and run in the mornings and still make it to work early. Easy to say, not so easy to do...

Happy Father's Day guys. I was thrilled that I was able to surprise my Dad yesterday with a quick trip to Bryan for church and brunch. It was great!

High School Reunion Part 1: Saturday night was my 20 year high school reunion. I say "part 1" because I went to two high schools and have two reunions this year. The reunion Saturday night was for the high school I went to as a freshman and sophomore before my family moved to Aggieland, and I had grown up with these people, through pre-school, elementary school and junior high as well as my first two years of HS.

I have to say, I was a bit nervous about the reunion. I hadn't seen most of my classmates since my sophomore year, but I have reconnected with alot of them on Facebook over the past year. The event was pretty much what I expected, but many of my old friends who I was looking forward to seeing were not in attendance. But it was great to see my Facebook friends again, in person. I really enjoyed that.

For the most part, the group as a whole looked fantastic for a bunch of adults knocking on the door of their 40s. There were a couple of weight-related surprises and a couple of "dang, he's hot!" thoughts, but other than that, the snobs were still snobs and the sweet people were still sweet. Many, like myself, through maturity and plain ol' life experiences, are more confident and outgoing than we were in high school, and it was so much fun to hang out again. Others haven't matured at all from what I could tell, and quite possibly have regressed. But who am I to judge...you never know what is going on or has gone on in someone's life.

All in all, it was a good evening with few surprises, alot of laughs and some closure of the past. It is quite possible that I will never see many of those classmates ever again, and for the most part that doesn't bother me. I'm in touch with who I want to be in touch with, keeping up with who I want to keep up with. 20 years is a long, long time...so much changes, and so much stays the same. I personally ended the evening feeling good about who I am, who my friends are and what I have accomplished since high school. I did not long for anything that was in the past, any relationship or friendship. I'm happy right where I am now.

Happy Blogging Anniversary to Me!

I've been blogging for almost a year now. Ha! And some of you have been with me from the start. Suckers! :)

Running update: I ran before work again this morning. 4.7 miles. I really do enjoy this whole running-in-the-morning routine. Gets me going, and makes me get to bed at a decent time, too. This morning, I tried to do sort of a tempo run. Tempo runs are not easy, though one would think they would be compared to other training techniques. I just get into such a groove when I run, and am good at keeping a consistent pace. To notch that up a bit in the middle is difficult for me, but I'm trying.

I have a feeling I'll get in more runs during the week now that I'm doing most of them in the mornings. If there is one bad thing about my training over the years its that I easily flake out on my weekday runs because at the end of the day I'm too tired, or its too hot, or I have to work late, or I want to do something else, or all of the above. Running in the mornings doesn't allow me to make these excuses anymore.

Weekend in Bryan: Yes, I was back in Bryan this weekend. Still cleaning out my grandparents' house. We are making progress, but its hard to tell sometimes. We went to see my grandmother (MomC) and I'm pretty sure that she recognized me this time. That made me happy.

I took Friday off of work to get there a day early, and I'm glad I did. My mom cooked her awesome steak fingers for dinner on Friday...I haven't had a true home-cooked meal in forever! It was delicious. That meal has got to be one of my all-time favorites, right up there with her teflon pancakes (the syrup beads up and rolls off the pancake, no lie!) and breakfast cookie (the coffee cake that was missing the ingredient that makes it fluffy) Those two items have very special places in my family's hearts! Poor Mom, we'll never let her forget!

And something new for me...I went "mall-walking" with my parents on Saturday morning. I walked maybe 30 steps before it happened...I spotted an open store. Good thing I thought to slip my credit card in my pocket because, yes, I managed to keep alive my streak of buying something every time I set foot in a mall or shopping center. Pink and white Air Jordan walking sandal/flip-flop things. They are quite cushion-y and fashionable. I've never purchased Air Jordan shoes before. I'm not entirely sure Michael Jordan had in mind pink shoes when he teamed up with Nike for this deal many years ago. So my "mall-walking" adventure was really just another opportunity to shop. Who knew?

And, we saw Star Trek. Loved it! I've been a Star Trek fan my whole life (I know! I'm a bit nerdy! Gasp!), thanks to my dad, and this movie was a great prequel of sorts. Its fun to see how your favorite characters from something came to be. I enjoyed that about Star Wars I, II, and III, too, though those movies were not that great. I realize that is blasphemous in some circles. Sorry. Then, we watched The Longest Day, which I have never seen, and I capped off a long Saturday by watching the mighty Red Wings thump the Penguins. I love hockey. I just don't understand why the general American public has not taken to this sport. What's not to love??

The Bachelorette better get rid of the foot-fetish guy tonight. I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it.

I can see clearly now...

I have to say, this has been a great week. Let me tell you why, because I know you are dying to find out (and some of this could surprise you, who knows, who cares)...

But first, a quick running update: For the first time ever, I ran before work this morning. 5.5 miles in about 50 minutes or so. It felt great. I was a little concerned about hitting Memorial Park while it was still dark, but when I got there a little before 5:30, there were already quite a few runners out there, so I felt safer. I am going to try to make weekday morning runs more routine, because it sure beats running in the evening heat, after a long and tiring day at work. And, I'm quite energized. I actually felt human long before 9 a.m. for a change.

So...I've had an epiphany, seriously, a real sudden face-slapping epiphany, which is bringing about some much-needed changes in my life, my behaviors, my attitudes and my perspective.

For too long (way too long), I have let a lack of self-confidence teamed with seemingly endless stress (most of which I now realize I bring on myself) drive my emotions and my actions, and more often than not, I end up feeling just plain dumb, embarrassed, apologetic. I have sometimes behaved in ways that are unbecoming and immature, and I'm tired of not even recognizing myself through my actions half the time. Hey, I understand that we all have issues and faults and regrets - its human nature. But the difference for me, this time, is that instead of laughing things off only to turn around and do the same things over and over, act the same way over and over, have the same regrets over and over, well, I'm doing something about it. Finally.

I'm done with emotionally and physically unhealthy actions and attitudes. I'm done with trying to be the funny/sarcastic one, the life of the party, the one everyone likes and wants to be around. Truth is, I'm not! I might be a princess, but I'm also a serious Type A introvert. My extreme extroversion in certain circumstances, well, its a facade. It does not come naturally to me at all in most cases, unless I'm very comfortable with a sitiuation, person or group. I would rather sit around and drink water and have conversations and get to know people than be in the middle of the group that is drinking it up and being the loudest, which is usually where I've ended up because I thought that's where I needed to be, where I was expected to be. And looking back, its just plain unattractive.

I'm tired of reaching out to people or trying to develop/keep a friendship going when really there is no friendship, no reciprocation. I want people in my life who care about me, really care, through good times and bad, and people who allow me to care about them and appreciate it. I have a wonderful circle of very close friends, a fabulous family, and a cherished 'running family'. Its time that that is good enough. I don't have to be everyone's friend, and not everyone has to like me or care about me. My lifelong drive for acceptance has just plain exhausted me. Screw it.

I'm done being foolish and making bad decisions. Sad thing is, I'm well aware of exactly what I've been doing, because I've been doing it most of my teen and adult life...not giving myself enough credit, letting how others feel and think about me define who I am, basing my worth as a person, a woman, on how successful I am at work, in relationships, and in my hobbies.

And you know the #1 thing that has caused most of what I've mentioned above? Not appropriately moderating my alcohol consumption. There it is, plain and simple...its the common denominator, the one thing I can trace back to every stupid thing I've done, said, every meltdown, every self-defeating action and thought. It has been my shield, my barrier, too often, from my shyness and insecurities and worries and fears. And I'm done. Plus, it makes you fat.

So, my breaths have been deeper this week, my attitude happier, my focus sharper, my mind more peaceful. Honestly. Its amazing how things, perspectives, how you look at yourself and how you feel about yourself can change so suddenly. But its great! I have a renewed dedication to my health, my exercising and my running, in a way I've never had before. And I am confident that I will be able to handle life's stresses and bumps in the road, relationships, friendships, work and running with a maturity and clarity that I don't think I've had before.

Alrighty then.

Welcome, Hurricane Season!

I'll go ahead and say it now... Run for your lives! We're all going to die! I have a bad feeling that we are in for another one this year. Then again, I thought it might rain yesterday, and it didn't.

Running update: Six miles with the Fall group on Saturday (and I got in an extra couple of miles running to and from my house). The crowd seemed a bit smaller. Maybe it was the heat and humidity. I have news for you...its only going to get worse. I personally had a good run and kept a steady pace between 9:05-9:15. My color group (yellow) is supposed to run a 9:00-10:00 minute mile, so I'm on target for the faster part of our group, but I'm not in the lead pack. I think our lead pack is going out too fast, and did last week too. Its going to end up discouraging runners when the heat and humidity really show up. Now is the time to take it slow, get the distance in and not focus on speed too much...we'll all get faster through the course of the training season. If I'm keeping the pace that I noted above and can't even see the lead group in front of me, they are going too fast for our color group. Runners have even commented on this, and are confused about the pacing, so I just tell them to run with me...a fast but not overwhelming pace that is challenging but not ridiculous. Not that I want to lead the entire group...I'm fine with trying to maintain my current pace and meet some of the runners around me, and I think our pace is appropriate. If you want to run faster, go to the faster color group (green). It just frustrates me that we, as coaches, preach one thing and do another. Maybe we should have an in-between pace group, lime color maybe?

And the jury is still out on the Saturday running start times...runs begin around 6:40 a.m. now, regardless of distance. That means alot of running in the sun. I personally prefer earlier start times (like when its still dark), but I'm not in charge. I just need to remember my sun block. I already have a nice runner's tan. Its real sexy.

Hill work begins this week. I'm looking forward to it, because these workouts are great for building strength, speed and stamina, and burn alot of calories, especially in the evening heat. I'm going to do my best to get to all of the hill and speed workouts this season, because they really do help as long as you approach them appropriately to keep yourself injury-free. I'm sure the first couple of hill workouts will go like this - several runners will race up the hills and race back down them, or they will come to a dead stop at the top of the hill before the downhill portion. Wrong approaches. I will never forget my friend Jamoosh advising me in one of my very first hill workouts to maintain my pace up the hill but take smaller/quicker steps, get my knees up and pump my arms. I hear that advice in my head every time I encounter a hill. And running down a hill shouldn't be a free-for-all. Don't lean back, don't go too fast, maintain control while letting gravity help.

Clif notes - keep your pace while running up and down hills but adjust your running form appropriately.

Random thoughts:

Our generation's "let's do lunch" is "let's get a drink." Said with the best intentions but you know it won't happen any time soon unless you nail down a date and time right then and there. Just something I've observed the past few years and think is funny...

Also, as the old saying goes, "you are the company you keep" or "the company we keep defines who we are." Sad but true, people will judge you based on the type of people you hang out with. What does it mean if I hang out with my cat alot?

Run Wild Jewelry

Check it out! Beautiful handmade jewelry by my friend Pattie, for the runner/triathlete. Can you guess which item I'm going to be buying??

Gasp!

Has it really been almost a month since I posted? I know my one reader has missed me dearly. Thought I'd get in a post before enjoying this gorgeous Memorial Day...

Running update: Fall marathon training is in full swing, and it is hot and humid out there (duh, its summer in Houston), but we have a pretty good group of runners every Saturday morning. I've been getting in a couple of extra miles by running from my house to the meeting location and back. I'm trying to get back to a regular running/exercise routine during the week, but its been difficult. Work has been demanding and I'm usually so exhausted in the evenings and would rather kick back and have a drink than run. That'll change...high school reunions are coming up, and I don't know about you, but alcohol goes straight to my waist. No bueno.

Family update: We are all still pretty sad about my grandfather's passing and that my grandmother is now in a "home." She requires 24/7 care, so this is definitely the best place for her to be...the family is at peace with this decision. I've gone to visit her a couple of times when I've been back to my parents' to help them clean out my grandparents' house. My grandmother really doesn't know who I am, who any of us are, but she knows were are family, I think. Its hard not to completely detach myself from her because that's not my grandmother, not the same person who I loved to spend so much time with, have such great memories of. We had a special bond, and that's what I choose to remember, not how she is now. But I love her the same nevertheless.

Going through my grandparents' house and their belongings has been a great experience for all of us. We have found so many pictures and other momentos that we had never seen before...such a great record of family history. I have volunteered to get the pics etc in some sort of order, a project that is going to take me months. And apparently my grandfather kept every single bank statement he ever received. We have been finding those things everywhere! This hoarding of sorts is quite typical of the Great Depression generation, I believe. It has inspired me to become better organized so that if anything should happen to me, my family will know exactly where to look for the important stuff. Plus, I've never been one to keep stuff "just in case." I do not like clutter, at all.

Pictures:
Some great pics from my birthday -

The girls...


Fellow birthday celebrant Brian and his wife Leah...


Me and my dear friends Aimee and Tyler...


Cake from work...they know I'm a princess...


And from Mother's Day weekend -

Grammie and Sorennah...


Grammie and Pops with Koen and Hayden...


Hayden and Koen (could they be any cuter??? Answer: no.)...


Me and mini-princess Sorennah...

Rest in Peace, PopC...

My beloved grandfather, affectionately known as "PopC" passed away late this afternoon. He had been in the hospital, but by all accounts, nothing was viewed as imminent, so my family is experiencing some shock and much grief tonight. I am blessed to be in close proximity...both my parents and my grandparents live in Bryan...so I was able to get here tonight to do what I can to help.

I have a very heavy heart. PopC was a wonderful man, always had a smile for you. I never saw him upset or mad. I have so many fond memories that are flooding through my mind right now but I can't possibly post them all here. We were very close my whole life. He truly loved his son and daughter in law, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Most of all, he was the most loving, patient and caring husband to my grandmother, MomC.

I remember always looking forward to visiting my grandparents when I was a kid when they lived in Wichita Falls. The trip was a long one for little kids who liked to fight with each other, but my grandparents always cheered us up right away with toys and ice cream and alot of love. They took us to wildlife parks in Oklahoma, went on family trips with us to Colorado and Wyoming, I just can't remember many family events where they weren't there. Graduations, birthdays, holidays, you name it, my PopC and MomC were involved in everything. My brother and I are their only grandchildren, and they showered us with love every chance they got.

When I decided I wanted to be called "Carolyn" instead of my nickname "Carrie," PopC never missed a beat, never once slipped up and called me Carrie...that was always very special to me and I have never forgotten that. For years, he collected the state quarters for all of us so we would have all 50. When my brother and I were younger and had a "cussing war," he laughed and laughed. We spent countless nights playing cards as I was growing up, and for several years my grandparents owned some land where we would go ride 4-wheelers and search for animals in the woods. I loved to visit the shopping center he managed in Wichita Falls, and even as a young girl was fascinated by the stories he would tell about his coffee mornings with his friends. When my mom was sick with cancer many years ago, he often drove her to Houston for her treatments. He always asked about my running and my work and my dating status, truly interested in what was going on in my life. My grandparents house is full of family pictures and cards and keepsakes, and I love to look at them every time I am there. Nothing was more important to PopC than family.

I'm most thankful for what a wonderful father my PopC was to my dad and how he welcomed my mom into his family as his own daughter. And gosh, he loved his great-grandchildren! Its a shame they won't know him. He was so proud of his entire family. PopC's smile and happiness were truly genuine, and you couldn't help be in a great mood around him. Everyone loved him, and even his nurses cried today, because he charmed them as he did everyone else who knew him. Always a smile, a smile I will never, ever forget. Sure he declined physically over the last few years but he was mentally sharp as a tack. It was just in the past couple of months that he deteriorated so quickly and suddenly, but no one expected he would pass so soon.

I'm grateful that my MomC got to spend some nice time with him in the hospital yesterday. She doesn't really know what is going on, but is doing well considering. I of course am sad that I did not get to say good-bye, but I did see him at the end of March, and that makes me happy. I know he knew how much I loved him, how much we all loved him, and we knew without a doubt that he loved us.

My parents have been saints throughout the failing health of my grandparents. I cannot tell you, or them, how much I admire them and their love and concern and caring. My heart breaks for my dad. Our family has been through so much lately, but we are all here for each other, as we always have been.

I'm rambling because my mind is unfocused. So many things swirling around, so many great memories that make me laugh and cry tears of happiness and sorrow. What a wonderful man and a wonderful blessing he was to my family. I am incredibly thankful that I had 38 years with him. I will miss him terribly.

In happier news, I had a wonderful birthday celebration with my friends on Saturday and will post pics and a running update soon.

Birds of a feather...

You know the rest. Sigh. That is all.

How the Swine Flu started (I stole this pic from my friend Jennifer. Thanks Jenny Shenny!):